What am I doing awake at 4 am?

Hi Dad,

I guess I'm worried about Noah and that's why I'm awake at 4 am. I had a dream that I was with Noah and we were drawing pictures to send to you.  I have no idea what Noah drew but I drew us on the Sunfish sailboat. It had an orange and yellow striped sail and there were mountains in the background.  Lake Wiawanda (or how ever it is spelled) in Sussex County (I think).  Noah wanted to send the pictures to you and I told him the only way was to burn them so you could get the smoke and then would be able to put them back together like a giant 5000-piece jigsaw puzzle.  And so we went out in the backyard and burned our pictures and sent them to you.  And then Noah wanted to know if he died could he be with you.  I told him yes, but then his mom, grandma, and all of us would miss him so.  And then I woke up.

Oh Dad, I miss you so.  I knew it would be hard but I didn't know it would be this hard to let you go.

Love you,

Dad

Its Spring on campus

Hi Dad,

In the past Mom would share my FB photos with you, but I decided that this time I would share them myself.  I walked across campus this afternoon on this absolutely gorgeous day as I had to go over to meet with a student of mine.  (That's another story, but I won't write that here).

But it was an absolutely beautiful day, perfect temperature and gentle breeze.  Thanks for walking it with me.

Love you,

Dad

And it was too beautiful an evening to sit inside and grade reports (even though grades are due tomorrow). So Simon and I explored a new park in town.  The ground was covered with purple violets, yellow and white flowers. The mayflowers haven't started to bloom and the trillium is just starting.

And then we came across a pond, with two ducks paddling across.  I tried to take their picture, but they disappeared into the reeds.  They reminded me of sitting next to you in August 2016 as you started chemo again - of your strength, your dedication, and your motivation to be there for us.  And I know that you will always be there, in that other room, where we cannot see you, but yet we feel your presence and we know you are with us. Day in and day out. And we know we are loved. 

Little things that remind me of you

Hi Dad,

Tonight Simon made spinach feta pie and it reminded me of you.  Ah, how I wish we could make it for you one more time.  But alas....

I thought of you often yesterday as I ran, of our walks up the block and of hikes around Lake Welch.  I have no idea sometimes why I remember certain things at certain times, but I do.  Maybe it was because I was running along Lake Lansing. But it was a beautiful morning, and there was a cool breeze off the lake.  Part of me wanted to just go sit by the lake and savor the breeze and the sunshine, but I had another 6 miles or so to run back, so I didn't stop.

Love you, Dad.

Susan

P.S. Monday morning: I woke up with the song, I'll be seeing you, playing in my head.  Because it is so very true, I do see and hear you, in all those familiar places. You're there by my side in the morning, throughout the day, and in the evening.

I spent much of the weekend at commencements.  Here's a photo from Friday's graduate commencement of me with one of my PhD students.

Thank you, Dad

Hi Dad,

Its been months since I've been able to run any distance without stopping and tonight, because of you, I ran 3.3 miles without stopping.  I may not have been that fast, but I did it.  At one point I was going to stop and walk, but you gave me the strength to keep going. Thank you, Dad.

I love you!

And welcome, Spring!